Stay at Home Mom

Here is my story…

In late August of 2021, my father passed away during Hurricane Ida. No one knew it happened, and he was alone in his apartment until strangers found him.

All I can say is that I was heartbroken to learn he passed this way. In fact, I blamed myself for weeks for not being there with him; some moments I still do. I blamed a lot of people for him being alone, but not as much as I blamed myself.

I remember preparing for his funeral. I remember all the feelings. I remember desperately searching my brain for some memory of him that would help me get through those moments, but it felt like every moment with him was imprisoned by my grief.

My father was cremated, and I received the urn with his ashes inside. It was devastating to hold in my hands the man who was my Superman. He was strong and wise. It’s easy to forget that he was human. That he had a beginning and an end. In that moment, I couldn’t see the beauty while carrying his ashes.

Joshua chapter one talks about God’s conversation with Joshua. He let’s him know that the grieving period for Moses is over, and it is time for His people to go get their promise. God is speaking to someone that needs to hear this:

Just because you didn’t get the promise the way you planned it, it doesn’t mean God has forgotten His promise to you. You lost someone or something important along the way, but that doesn’t mean God’s promise has been broken. He hasn’t betrayed you.

After grieving for some time, I had surgery to remove endometriosis in November. The doctor said he had to burn the endometriosis off. More ashes for me to carry. More healing for me to do. It was a lot in one year.

Isaiah 61:1-3

The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me;

because the LORD hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek;

he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives,

and the opening of the prison to them that are bound;

To proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD,

and the day of vengeance of our God;

to comfort all that mourn;

To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion,

to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning,

the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;

that they might be called trees of righteousness,

the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified.

That’s not where my story ends. See out of the ashes, God gave me beauty. On my father’s birthday, December 22, I knew that I was pregnant. God gave me a gift for my father’s birthday. He was reminding me of how giving my father was in this life. It didn’t matter if it was his birthday, you were going to get a gift. He was a blessed man, and he shared his blessings with the world. This is not how I expected things to happen, but my daughter has made life worth celebrating again. It’s never easy to go through hardships, but God always gives beauty for ashes.

Sincerely Your Sister,

JJJ.