Stay at Home Mom

Each day is different when you are a new mom. There are good days, and those days are so good. Then there are challenging days, and the reality that I am a parent hits me. It can feel overwhelming, but I have discovered a way to calm myself. I play solitaire.

I am telling the truth. The other day I was feeling overwhelmed, and I tried everything to relax. Some self care, like showering and watching my favorite show. Nothing worked. When I put J.R. down for the night, I picked up my phone and scrolled my feed. It did not make me relax either. I decided to give my mind a break. I exited the Facebook (Meta) app and opened the solitaire one.

After a few games of winnings and losings, I thought, “God, why do I feel so alone in parenting J.R.?” Instantly, in my spirit, I felt God say that He has to get me by myself in order for me to hear Him clearly. He brought to mind a scripture that I read recently, and it was like I was living the Bible story I had heard multiple times in my life: Jacob’s ladder.

Some may know the story of Jacob, so I will summarize it for those who do not. Jacob was the second born of Isaac”s twins. Since he was second in the benefactor line, his brother, Esau, would inherit everything including a blessing given by Isaac. As the twins grew up, it was apparent how different they were. Esau was muscular and hairy, while Jacob was his opposite. Esau was a hunter, and Jacob was a cook.

One day, Esau was so hungry after hunting, and Jacob had the kitchen smelling oh so good. Esau asked his brother for something to eat. Jacob said he would give him food if Esau traded him his first-born blessing. Of course, Esau refused, but Jacob, true to the meaning of his name, tricked his brother into trading the blessing anyway. Esau got his meal, and Jacob had the promise of a blessing.

Isaac, their father, told Esau to go hunt and bring him something to eat. He needed strength and nourishment to bless him. Their mother, Rebekah told Jacob about it and helped Jacob trick Isaac. Isaac is blind, and Jacob used that to his advantage. Isaac gave Jacob the blessing. When Esau found out, he wanted to kill his brother. It was time for Jacob to go.

So now, in Genesis 28, Jacob is homeless and on the run. He comes to a place of isolation. This place has rocks, rocks, and more rocks. If you ask me, this is not the ideal place to sleep, but the sun is setting. Jacob finds some rocks to use as pillows, and he fell asleep.

In life’s hardest moments, it is easy to get discouraged. The Bible says that Jacob stayed in this place because the sun was setting. Every song that I have heard about the sun talks about it rising. Those are songs about hope growing and positive changes coming. How often do we settle in a situation because we are losing sight of hope? In this place where he is losing hope, he creates a bed out of the hard things that surround him.

Maybe one rock is the feeling of unworthiness. Jacob took his brother’s blessing that he didn’t deserve. He conned his brother out of what was his right by birth. Maybe the next rock was the feeling of guilt. Jacob lied to his father in order to take the blessing. Can you imagine the disappointment on a father’s face who expected his son to tell the truth? That was a heavy rock for sure. Maybe the last rock was loneliness. Here he is, all alone, in a place he has never been before. He doesn’t have his brother and father because he betrayed them, and he had to leave his mother, aka his accomplice, behind. He was by himself.

The good news? That’s where God met him in his dreams. People think that they have to go to God all put together, but He is willing to meet you where you are, beautifully broken. Those are the people God can work with, because they are perfectly imperfect. Those are the ones He can give hope in a hopeless situation. That’s where dreams are made, and where God tells you the plans He has for your life.

SIncerely Your Sister,

JJJ.